Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
