My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
