just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just pee around me
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
