Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
