FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
