somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is Oprah even human
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
