I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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