There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
