That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
