That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
