Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
