I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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