Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
