Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
