my vag is so smooth its legendary
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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