You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we're making bets on your personal life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
