I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
