Barsexuality is the new black.
i wish my penis had a tongue
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
