Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
