Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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