well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
