it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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