I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
