I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize