Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
