we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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