Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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