guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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