seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
