Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
