Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
