do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
