He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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