Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
