i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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