the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
