it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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