I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
