Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
