Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize