Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
