he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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