I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
