My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
