sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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