i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
