i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just gargled with NyQuil
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
