I wish I could teleport
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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