You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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