whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i think im in europe. pls send help
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
