if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
