come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Randomize
