So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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