I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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