he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
