Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
