You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
