wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
