i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
