we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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