I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
