Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
