I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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