Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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