You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Drunk is not a location!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
