Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
