First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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