you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
